Daily Archives: January 12, 2011

Stupid Wars:NHL All-Star Game vs. Sarah Palin

This is a new theme here, in which we compare two brutally idiotic things that are in the news at the same time, in a most likely misguided attempt to determine which one is, in fact, stupider and deserving of our scorn.

Today, it’s a thoroughly meaningless hockey game taking on an evil, power-hungry and mind-numbingly retarded (though some might say it’s willful ignorance) politician.

RELEVANCE

NHL All-Star Game: The NHL All-Star Game is not relevant, and has not been relevant for years. This year, in an attempt to change that, the ‘captains’ of the All-Star teams, chosen by the NHL in some process that doesn’t matter, won’t be revealed and sucks goat ass, will pick their teams, street-hockey style. They will pick from a list of 42 players the NHL has selected as all-stars. This is, supposedly, a great way to kindle fan interest, because everyone loves fantasy hockey. In reality, however, people enjoy fantasy hockey because it’s THEM picking the players, not some millionaire the NHL has decided is a captain. Anyway, it’s stupid; the players will pick their friends and teammates; the game will still be played at half speed and nobody will throw a body check.

Sarah Palin: She’s as relevant as ever. That is to say, she’s extremely relevant to about a third of Americans, relevant in a repugnant way to a little over another third, and in keeping with American tradition, pretty much a nonentity to a clueless 28% or so. Her relevance today, however, is based upon that dude who shot the politician in the head. Many people would like that to be Sarah Palin’s fault. For my part, I hope to God that it somehow really is, but doubt we can lay the mountain of blame at her doorstep because, well, Sarah Palin did not shoot that politician in the head. This fact does not mean she did nothing to contribute to the heated level of rhetoric that led to it, just that the person responsible is the dude who pulled the trigger. But she’s not here because of the blame, she’s here because of the manner in which she defended herself:

Within hours of a tragedy unfolding, journalists and pundits should not manufacture a blood libel that serves only to incite the very hatred and violence they purport to condemn. That is reprehensible.

Sarah Palin continues

There are those who claim political rhetoric is to blame for the despicable act of this deranged, apparently apolitical criminal. And they claim political debate has somehow gotten more heated just recently …┬áBut when was it less heated? Back in those ‘calm days’ when political figures literally settled their differences with dueling pistols?

Wow. That’s tragically stupid. Relevant? Very. So Palin wins this round. But earth-shatteringly dense.

DUMBNESS

NHL All-Star Game: Of the 42-player list mentioned above, the Maple Leafs have one representative. So do the Detroit Red Wings. I don’t say this to complain, because as a Wings fan I would much rather see Henrik Zetterberg, Pavel Datsyuk, Jimmy Howard and Niklas Kronwall get some rest. And hell, if the NHL wants to make Phil Kessel an all-star so that Brian Burke takes a little less heat for the worst NHL trade of the last few years, that’s cool, too. It is devastatingly brain dead of the league to imply that this roster includes all the stars. Especially when the league tacitly admits it listens to requests from teams to avoid selecting certain players. All this for a game nobody cares about or exerts any effort in an attempt to win.

Sarah Palin: See quote above. We’re comparing the current political climate to the Burr-Hamilton duel? Were there really no ‘calm days’ in the TWO HUNDRED AND SIX FUCKING YEARS between that duel and the current political climate?! God, I don’t know if I can finish this post. Writing about her makes me want to break my blog.

Winner? Sarah Palin, because she’s just so fucking dumb. And I hate the NHL All-Star Game, but dumb is dumb. Now fuck this game. This wasn’t a fair fight.

CONCLUSION

We only needed two categories. And really, we didn’t even need those. I will continue to insult that idiotic, discourse-destroying bitch in about 100 words, but can I have a moment here? Thanks.

  • I used to write about politics in this space with regularity. A while ago, I stopped. I didn’t stop because some of the hockey fans didn’t agree with me. I didn’t stop because the election ended and it got boring. It sure as hell did not get boring. I didn’t stop because the aftermath of Obama’s victory was less thrilling than the historical campaign, though that is certainly true. I stopped because it became very difficult to critique a contest that eschewed any attempt at nuance or subtlety. It’s difficult to judge a debate that turns into a screaming match. And English teacher attempting it would just fail both debate teams, or simply throw up his hands and leave the room. I guess that’s what I did. And even now, it feels like it was the right decision. I don’t entirely approve of everything the Obama administration is doing in the United States. I don’t entirely disapprove of everything Stephen Harper is doing in Canada. But the trenches have been dug so deeply it would feel like treason to openly discuss it. And that, more than anything else, is the great evil that seems destined to be Sarah Palin’s legacy.

And aside from all that, she’s a fucking cunt, and I only wish she could run in a race against Hillary Clinton one day, so that there would be no sexism defence when her smarts are openly questioned and her qualifications torn to shreds and tossed like confetti to the floor in front of her. Preferably on national television, and definitely while I am watching, drunk.

2 Comments

Filed under Endtimes, Hockey!, Media, Politics, Sports, Stupid Wars