Are there two things on this Earth that go together more perfectly than sports commentary and Japanese poetry? Besides, with all the words that we wasted yesterday discussing these trades ad nauseum, I figured I would cut back and improve my literary footprint.
So, here is my commentary on the major trades of yesterday’s NHL frenzy, in short, traditional haikus:
The Pittsburgh Penguins acquired right winger Marian Hossa and winger Pascal Dupuis from the Atlanta Thrashers for center Angelo Esposito, right winger Colby Armstrong, center/winger Erik Christensen and a first-round draft pick in 2008.
He cost them a lot
Will he score in the playoffs?
Sens fans all say, ‘No.’
The Pittsburgh Penguins acquired defenseman Hal Gill from the Toronto Maple Leafs for a second-round draft pick in 2008 and a fifth-round draft pick in 2009.
A really tall man
Who cannot skate very fast
Just hit the jackpot
The Dallas Stars acquired center/left winger Brad Richards and goaltender Johan Holmqvist from the Tampa Bay Lightning for goaltender Mike Smith, left winger/center Jussi Jokinen and center/right winger Jeff Halpern and a fourth-round draft pick in 2009.
Got off sinking ship
Too bad Holmqvist followed you
He is terrible
The San Jose Sharks acquired defenseman Brian Campbell and a seventh-round draft pick in 2008 from the Buffalo Sabres for right winger Steve Bernier and a first-round draft pick in 2008.
Big payday ahead
But first you’re off to Cali
Sure beats Buffalo
The Florida Panthers acquired right winger/defenseman Wade Belak from the Toronto Maple Leafs for a fifth-round draft pick in 2008.
A fifth-round pick is
Better than a bag of pucks
You go, Trader Cliff!
The Washington Capitals acquired goaltender Cristobal Huet from the Montreal Canadiens for a second-round draft pick in 2009.
The rookie is good
You were no longer needed
So they dumped your ass
The Colorado Avalanche acquired defenseman Ruslan Salei from the Florida Panthers for defenseman Karlis Skrastins and a third-round draft pick in 2008.
Two old men are dealt
Both of them are foreigners
And nobody cares
The Carolina Hurricanes acquired winger Tuomo Ruutu from the Chicago Blackhawks for winger Andrew Ladd.
Untapped potential,
the sound of one hand clapping,
they are both worthless
The Ottawa Senators acquired right winger Martin Lapointe from the Chicago Blackhawks
He won a cup once
With some guy named ‘Yzerman’
They don’t have that guy
The Florida Panthers acquired left winger/center Chad Kilger from the Toronto Maple Leafs for a third-round draft pick in 2008.
Pack your bags again
The moving van is waiting
No, you cannot stay
The Colorado Avalanche acquired defenseman Adam Foote from the Columbus Blue Jackets for a conditional first-round draft pick in 2008 or 2009 and a conditional fourth-round selection in 2009.
A long journey home
Back to where they know your name
Too bad you’re old now
The Washington Capitals acquired center Sergei Fedorov from the Columbus Blue Jackets for defenseman Ted Ruth.
In spring he was good
Summer made him petulant
Now it’s his autumn
The Washington Capitals acquired winger Matt Cooke from the Vancouver Canucks for winger Matt Pettinger.
Trade two guys named ‘Matt’
The Canucks fans will notice
Caps fans? Not so much
The Washington Capitals acquired left winger/center Alexandre Giroux from the Atlanta Thrashers for winger Joe Motzko.
Winter’s frost lingers
as the deadline deals are made
So does apathy
The Detroit Red Wings acquired defenseman Brad Stuart from the Los Angeles Kings for a second-round draft pick in 2008 and a fourth-round draft pick in 2009.
He is a big guy
All he cost them was draft picks
At least he’s healthy
The Anaheim Ducks acquired defenseman Marc-Andre Bergeron from the New York Islanders for a third-round draft pick in 2008.
He has two first names
So do both of their goalies
What is Burke up to?
The Minnesota Wild acquired left winger Chris Simon from the New York Islanders for a sixth-round draft pick in 2008.
He’s a psychopath
And they’ve got a steroid freak
What is up with that?
5 Comments
February 27, 2008 at 6:19 pm
[...] Trade Deadline Haikus This was pretty funny: NHL trade deadline haikus « Dirty Games Example: [...]
February 28, 2008 at 8:43 am
hmmm…poor them
February 28, 2008 at 4:03 pm
The Rangers got nothing.
Only five more weeks to go,
Before golfing starts.
February 28, 2008 at 10:00 pm
jhr you are
absolutely HEEE-
LARIOUS i say
February 28, 2008 at 10:03 pm
hrmmm you are also
much more talented than me
at counting to s’ven
(or five)