(I really am going to post more, starting this coming week; more about sports, but also more about Ontario and U.S. politics and some random weird shit. I promise this time, so relax, all four of you who complained)
To start us off then, this fall … some predictions for the coming National Hockey League season:
- The Maple Leafs will miss the playoffs, losing a crucial game in the final week of the season due to a lack of defense and a questionable goaltending performance.
- The NHL will not do anything substantial to take control of the blows-to-the-head epidemic, at least three star-calibre players will miss time because of such hits and Canadian columnists will beat the matter to death from their pulpits. Deservedly so, mind you, as these headhunting idiots are hurting skilled players and giving hockey-haters an easy way to criticize the sport.
- The New York Rangers will NOT represent the Eastern Conference in the Stanley Cup final. It takes at least two solid defensemen to accomplish that. The Blueshirts don’t even have one right now.
- Michael Nylander will score more points in Washington than either Chris Drury or Scott Gomez scores with the Rangers.
- Martin Brodeur and the New Jersey Devils will be just fine, despite losing Gomez and Brian Rafalski in the off-season. Brent Sutter will get Coach of the Year consideration.
- Nobody in a Calgary Flames uniform will like Mike Keenan, except Jarome Iginla and Dion Phaneuf, each of whom will play more minutes than ever before. Miika Kiprussof will get yanked several times, until Iron Mike realizes that he’s one of three reasons the team has a shot at the playoffs (Jarome and Dion being the other two).
- Scott Niedermayer will return in mid-January.
- Teemu Selanne will return right around the all-star break.
- The Ducks will be too distracted by all this to repeat as cup champions. Besides, any team hoping for a return to form by Todd Bertuzzi will be cursed in the final moments of big games.
- Sidney Crosby will top 130 points.
- Leafs Nation will boo whichever goalie “earns” the starting job.
- This will make that goalie worse.
- The Detroit Red Wings will dominate the Central Division and squeek by the San Jose Sharks in the Western Conference final.
- Detroit and Pittsburgh will play for the Stanley Cup.
- Crosby will win the Hart and Art Ross, again; Alex Ovechkin will win the Richard; Lidstrom (duh!) will win the Norris; Zetterberg will win the Selke … and Evgeni Nabokov and Henrik Lundqvist will duel one another for the Vezina.
- The Philadelphia Flyers will return to the playoffs.
- The Carolina Hurricanes will not.
- The Boston Bruins will be absolutely terrible, and to add further insult, Manny Fernandez will suck.
- So will Nicklas Backstrom, left on his own to tend the nets in Minnesota.
- Ilya Kovalchuk, Dany Heatley, Vincent Lecavalier and Alex Ovechkin will all score 50 goals. No surprises, really.
- Despite the wails of pundits that Anaheim had brought thuggery back into the game, the teams that end up going deep into the playoffs will not be the roughest, or toughest, and the cries of ‘The goons are back!’ will fall silent.
- Scoring, however, will continue to fall, as coaches adjust their trap-oriented system to the larger offensive zones and new rules that are supposed to prevent this sort of boring hockey.
- The NHL will talk about making the nets bigger or the goalie equipment smaller to combat this trend.
- Goalies will cry bloody murder.
- Nothing will be done.
- And U.S. TV ratings will stay in the shitter.
