We thought they knew how to rock in Shelbyville…

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Today’s lesson is about preaching to the converted.

Apparently, the last six years of inspired, democrat-baiting savagery was nothing but a warmup act, and now it’s No-More-Ms.-Nice-Transvestite for Ann Coulter.

Al Franken’s dominatrix of choice gave a stirring speech in (where else?) the heart of Texas this weekend, in which she declared that she has always prided herself on “not fighting dirty” but now believes it “might be time to start fighting dirty.”

Mmmmm. I can taste the hypocrisy. Tastes like chicken, seasoned with warmed-over right-wing partisan strategizing.

But in her mind, it just might be time to fight dirty. After all, Coulter has always held herself —snicker — above the —guffaw — political — hah!— fray. Unless of course, you consider the following quotes examples of “fighting clean”:

• “Liberals hate God and hate America.”
• “I’ve never seen people enjoying their husbands’ deaths so much … how do we know their husbands weren’t planning to divorce these harpies?” (on 9/11 widows)
• “My only regret with Timothy McVeigh is he did not go to the New York Times Building.”
• “I don’t know if Bill Clinton is gay. But [former U.S. Vice President] Al Gore — total fag.”
• “God gave us the earth. We have dominion over the plants, the animals, the trees. God said, ‘Earth is yours. Take it. Rape it. It’s yours.’” (addressing environmentalists)

And of course, the classics:

• “We should invade their countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity.”
• “Like the Democrats, Playboy just wants to liberate women to behave like pigs, have sex without consequences, prance about naked, and abort children.”

Those quotes took approximately 37.5 seconds to find. It was that easy. Coulter plays to her audience, which, almost all the time, consists of hardcore Republicans.

In that vein, she clearly went out on a real limb in her latest speech, departing from her comfort zone — which must be a scary place indeed — and risking the goodwill of her audience by taking a shot at everybody’s favourite ally, the people of France:

“She also drew large applause when she directed her ire at France, saying it is weak and cannot be trusted.”

Damn. I hate this woman so much that it’s hard to be funny about this.

I mean, taking cheap shots at France is so 2003 — they don’t even call them Freedom Fries in the House of Representatives cafeteria anymore. Making fun of the French is the political rehtoric equivalent of a guitarist taping the name of the current tour stop to the back of his axe and announcing that “nobody rocks like (your town)!”

Yes, Ann … nobody does rock like … uhhhh … Springfield!

Oh, and fuck you. You’re not helping anything.

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